Summer pt.2

Okay, so there was no Summer pt.1 post, but now I'm into the second stage of my summer vacation.  Mom and I moved from Oakesdale, WA to Valparaiso IN over the last three days.  It was a good trip and I'm proud of mom for sitting in a truck for so many hours at a time.

It was a bittersweet time in Oakesdale.  I was really looking forward to a time of growth and reflection and above all else....goodbye.  With my mom moving to Indiana, I fear that I won't be back to the inland empire for a long time.

This year (if any of you have read my posts this year) has been an interesting one for God and I (well not for God, he knew it would happen!).  He's been teaching me a lot about what it means to follow Him and how much I've been prideful and idolatrous, it's been a hard year.  I was conflicted between two feelings going home: 1) (the lofty one) is that I needed a break from the hardness of life and wanted to veg out and have fun and 2) (the hard one) is that I wanted to cut ties with the town I grew up in.

I am a nostalgic person and I spend way too much time thinking about the past and not the present nor future.  I have spent a lot of time thinking about things, events, demons from my upbringing I wanted to set free.  The problem is that I did nothing to let Jesus set them free.  I was lazy and really didn't want to let them go, I was in my lofty state trying to soak it in rather than set it free.

The person that grew up in Oakesdale Washington is dead.  He has been renewed into a different creature. A creature that seeks to worship the Creator and not the creation that He breathed out.  The old is dead, the new is life.  The problem is that I started to see the dead when I was there and missed parts of him.  I wanted to relax and be him again.  I started to be him.  I forgot about why I was created.  I forgot Jesus (kind of).  I remembered Him with other people in prayer but I forgot about him with my own heart.

It was a sobering drive for me to leave the northwest.  Had some good talks with by friend Joel who showed me grace, love, and a sobering look at who I was.  The farther I drove from there the more I felt like myself.

It's been a weird trip, but a good one and I'm very thankful that I got to have it.  God has been merciful to me.

The Never-forsaking God

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Jun

04

2010

He Himself has said, ’I will never leave you nor forsake you’ —Hebrews 13:5

What line of thinking do my thoughts take? Do I turn to what God says or to my own fears? Am I simply repeating what God says, or am I learning to truly hear Him and then to respond after I have heard what He says? “For He Himself has said, ’I will never leave you nor forsake you.’ So we may boldly say: ’The Lord is my helper; I will not fear. What can man do to me?’ ” ( Hebrews 13:5-6  ).

“I will never leave you . . .”— not for any reason; not my sin, selfishness, stubbornness, nor waywardness. Have I really let God say to me that He will never leave me? If I have not truly heard this assurance of God, then let me listen again.

“I will never . . . forsake you.” Sometimes it is not the difficulty of life but the drudgery of it that makes me think God will forsake me. When there is no major difficulty to overcome, no vision from God, nothing wonderful or beautiful— just the everyday activities of life— do I hear God’s assurance even in these?

We have the idea that God is going to do some exceptional thing— that He is preparing and equipping us for some extraordinary work in the future. But as we grow in His grace we find that God is glorifying Himself here and now, at this very moment. If we have God’s assurance behind us, the most amazing strength becomes ours, and we learn to sing, glorifying Him even in the ordinary days and ways of life.

from My Utmost for His Highest - June 4

The Royal Tenenbaums

I watched The Royal Tenenbaums today for the first time in two years. It's been a while since I've seen a movie that moves me. I used to watch them all the time but lately I've been too busy. I was reading some of the negative reviews of it on netflix. Man, some people are thick! I really can understand the comments that it is pretentious, it is. But under the uber-stylized set design, sparce dialogue, and strict attention to detail is a really heartwarming story of a man who seeks redemption for a lifetime of folly.

If there ever is a story of the prodigal son, it is this.

Royal (played by a hard to love for most of the film Gene Hackman) spends his whole life being estranged from his family because of his own selfishness. He sees nothing wrong with making himself the center of the universe and has no apologies for his actions. He gets kicked out of his house, his kids hate him (not so much Richie [the Baumer] though), and he lives in a hotel in which he also gets kicked out of. Through the film he realizes his need for his family and wants to redeem himself. He's not shy about how he feels, he explains how he seeks forgiveness but his family is more than unwilling to forgive. They kick him out again after he gets caught faking cancer in an attempt to get back in the Tenenbaum residence.

In one poignant scene Royal is sitting alongside Chas (played by Ben Stiller) at the grave of Chas's wife. Royal asks why he (chas) won't forgive him. Royal is seeking to redeem the lost years, but he thinks he can do it just by showing up and saying he's sorry. He doesn't yet realize that he needs to really show that he wants to change for them. He then spends the rest of the movie trying to change and in turn really does change. When he changes he immediately does things he should have done years ago. He gave his wife a divorce so she could remarry. He shows them that he really wants to be a part of their lives again. This is a key difference, not just saying but doing, that's the hard important part.

There are other plot lines that intertwine with this main plot. One of the hardest to watch scenes for me is the attempted suicide by Richie (played by Luke Wilson). He's in the bathroom shaving off his beard and cutting his hair, he pulls off the razor and slits his wrists. This is under the music of Needle in the Hay by Elliot Smith. Most of the scene is comprised of a tight head shot which is for some reason is so powerful. It hurts so much to watch this. You want him to live, to have hope. It makes me sad every time I see it. Then the following scenes of all the family finding out rushing to the hospital. There's so much pain there, not overly dramatic as it would be in other films, a quiet pain that is real. Shock, hurriedly, calm, concerned not wailing and crying. It's an understated pain. It allows us (the viewer) to have emotion rather than trying to manipulate us to feel a certain way as most movies attempt to do.

The other scene that always gets me is the end. The final montage if Royal dying. All is well and reconciled. I love the moment when Chas's dog is killed and Royal buys him a new dog and says he bought it for the boys. Chas starts to cry and says he's had a bad year to which Royal grabs him and says he knows. So simple, powerful, understated. When Royal dies Chas is in the ambulance with him and is the only one to see him pass. It's sad and beautiful. It reminds me the end of American Beauty, in that the protagonist has a change of heart and is redeemed only to their peril a short time later. The death of both characters both gives more hope than sadness. They have found out something good and got to experience that before they died. Most people don't find this out ever and die some tragic death, yet these two saw some truth.

Anyone who doesn't appreciate this film isn't a bad person, I didn't like it the first time either. As a matter of fact I had to watch the other Wes Anderson films first to get this one. Of the Anderson films this one is the most heartwarming. There are some truly stunning moments in it that make your heart burn. This is my favorite Wes Anderson.

I also think it's mis-labeled. It's not a comedy. Try to compare to Wedding Crashers and you'll see two opposite films. Tenenbaums is a nuanced telling of flawed characters going through a redemptive process.  I think it would be easy to say that the plot doesn't advance a lot, but the advancement it has is powerful and important. Redemption is sweet. Forgiveness is powerful and life changing. We find this in Jesus, that is why it's so powerful. Legalism has no power. Forgiveness, grace, love, redemption is. We are redeemed by none other than God himself in the person and works of Jesus. He personally redeemed every person to ever live. This is a truth that I am still learning about and letting wash over me. I love movies that point me to Jesus and Tenenbaums is one of the movies that I see Jesus all over in. Thank you Wes Anderson for being a good storyteller full of nuance and meaning. Thank you Jesus for making people creative that we can tell of your love in different mediums, genres, styles, and people.