road to death

This morning I was reading through Romans.  I've been on this book all year and it's still blowing my mind.  I've been dwelling on past choices I've made now for a long time and am trying to understand how I keep continuing to in the moment forget the promises of God for momentary happiness.  How is it that there are so many moments that I will disregard what is good for me for poison?  I remember a conversation that Joel and I had this summer when I was lost in some moments of confusion that had Joel asking me, "do you hear yourself?  You sound insane, literally insane, the words coming out of your mouth are insane."  He was talking about sin leading to death.  Not that we die now, but that if I were to continue in that sin it would lead to death.  This hit home for me then, yet I still forgot it until today.


^{Romans 6:
 15}What then? Are we to sin because we are not under law but under grace? By no means! ¹⁶Do you not know that if you present yourselves to anyone as obedient slaves, you are slaves of the one whom you obey, either of sin, which leads to death, or of obedience, which leads to righteousness? ¹⁷But thanks be to God, that you who were once slaves of sin have become obedient from the heart to the standard of teaching to which you were committed, ¹⁸and, having been set free from sin, have become slaves of righteousness.¹⁹ I am speaking in human terms, because of your natural limitations. For just as you once presented your members as slaves to impurity and to lawlessness leading to more lawlessness, so now present your members as slaves to righteousness leading to sanctification.


We are slaves to what we obey.  I find that though the day my thoughts are split down the middle between sinful ones of desire and ones of holiness in Jesus.  One leads to death, one to life.  I desire to crucify these sins that start in my head.  Sin of thought are where physical sin is born.

I really desire to be set free from sin.  The truth is we already have been set free.  So why do I keep living in death?  I suppose it's the fight of being fallen.  In v.19 Paul does say 'in human terms, because of our natural limitations'.  We're always going to be presented with something else that is impure in our hearts and minds.  But even with our minds always going wayward there is grace for us, loving, healing, powerful grace.

Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it, 
prone to leave the God I love; 
here's my heart, O take and seal it
seal it for Thy courts above.