wreckage

So this weekend I was in a real car accident.  One of those 'slam of the breaks but can't stop because of slippery roads I misjudged the speed' types of things.  I rear ended the car in front of me, going I think between 40-45 mph.  He was at a standstill in the middle lane.  BOOM!  Everyone was okay (thank the Lord).  I got a ticket, lost my car, and had to make my first claim on my car insurance.  It was a big day.

Here are the pics of my Honda R.I.P.

looks like I'll be taking the scooter from now on....

oh monday how I loathe you...

I had a difficult time getting out of bed this morning.  Maybe it was a realization that I was in a car accident this weekend, or the gloomy weather, or the upcoming end of semester push, but it was something.  I just didn't want to get out of bed.  Not because I was tired so much.  Mostly because I didn't want the day to start.  It's one of those weird lies we all believe, 'if I don't get up the day won't start'.  Unfortunately no matter when we get up the day does start.


There was a point after I checked my email that I had a decision to make.  My routine is usually getting up, checking email, then reading, showering, school......etc.  I didn't want to read this morning.  I didn't want to pray.  I wanted to be miserable.  I wanted to feel hopeless.  My body ached still from the crash.  A million things were rushing through my head.  It was all a little too overwhelming.


So the choice...Do I try and do it on my own, or do I take it to God.  The answer seems obvious.  But in those moments we don't want to take it to God.  We want to wallow in it.  I certainly do. 


So I got out my bible and read the first six chapters of Romans.  What a grand reminder!  I've been living in Romans this semester and it never fails to hear what screw ups we are.  It was just God convicting me.  And convicting me.  And convicting me.  


Therefore you have no excuse, O man, every one of you who judges. For in passing judgment on another you condemn yourself, because you, the judge, practice the very same things. We know that the judgment of God rightly falls on those who practice such things. Do you suppose, O man—you who judge those who practice such things and yet do them yourself—that you will escape the judgment of God? Or do you presume on the riches of his kindness and forbearance and patience, not knowing that God’s kindness is meant to lead you to repentance? 
                                -Romans 2: 1-4 (emphasis mine)


The whole point of grace is to lead up to repent.  Oh how I've thought differently all these years.  I thought it was there so I could mess up without going to hell.  While that is technically true, that there is nothing I can do to lose my salvation, the point of God's grace is to lead us toward being more like Christ.  This can only happen if we have repentant hearts.  Constantly repenting of our sins so God can really start to change us, to shape us.  I am just at the beginning of this journey and I still have a lot to learn about it.  It's hard, and I'm not really happy that I'm here.  But I am joyful that Jesus loves us (me) enough to put me through whatever it is I need to go through to only grasp on to Him.  Only to Him.

Real-time improv

This whole year I've been meeting with 3 other composers every week to improvise.  At first it was just something fun we did (at least that's what it was for me).  But through the year we've sort of improved a lot and starting to really think this could be a real musical opportunity.  Last month we had our first performance performing "the well and the gentle" by Pauline Oliveros.  It was a total blast!  We were a bit nervous, but the performance was actually our best run through of it to date and I think that's a good sign for an ensemble.  We're looking for a name which is difficult but we're on the path!

We're added a 5th member, Paul Thomas on accordion which is a great addition to my electric guitar, L. Scott Price on electric guitar, Sarah Summar on violin, and Ben Johansen on alto sax.  

Original Quartet with Pauline Oliveros:

L to R: Sarah Summar, Ben Johansen, Patrick Peringer, Scott Price

Rehearsal at Sarah's (please don't knock the shaved head)

photo: David Summar

Another rehearsal pic

photo: David Summar

Improv with dancers in MEIT

Photo: Michelle Hurt

Visuals: Ben Johaneson

Another angle

Sarah and Scott

Scott

Paul

Ben

Patrick

One more of me....

Kids love

I was walking with Lee a bit last night (after I ate Chicken Express [gross] way too late and was feeling bad) and I was telling him about my nephews and niece.  Of course I don't have my own kids yet (God-willing) but my sister does, I love hers very much.  I've loved those kids ever since the hearing of my sisters first pregnancy (I found out thanksgiving, 2002).

I was telling Lee about my thoughts about kids, about how they love us.  I'm pretty tight with Sibley, my 5 year old niece.  We're pals.  Whenever I visit it's full of hugs and laughs and kisses and all other sorts of girly stuff (anything pink or princess-ey).  I get the honor of holding her little body that's so full of life and energy and love.  I was thinking about how when she says she loves me that what she really means is that she trusts me.  She can't really comprehend this yet, but her soul thinks 'I can trust this guy' so I love him.  I think that's why it's so much easier for children to say they love than adults.  It's really a trust thing.  They don't really know what love entails (for that matter neither do I, as I'm not married or have my own kids), about the sacrifice of my sister staying awake all night, about the sacrifice of my brother in law having jobs and providing, about the time and care it takes to be a parent.  Sibley just knows that Brandi and Rob loves her and are always there for her.

It's a really beautiful thing.

Nothing makes me smile in the same way as when that little girl gives me a hug and a smile.

The larger point to be made is that love is trust.  We can't love something that we don't really trust.  It also might not even be trust, but the hope of trust.  After a fracture in a marriage, the couple puts the pieces back together in hopes of being able to trust each other again.  To get to that point when they are comfortable with each other again.

We have to trust God to love Him.  This is a hard reality to trust (I'm so pun-ny!).  It's hard to live that out.  It's hard to trust that God is sovereign.  We want the control but the truth is we don't have any, at least any REAL control.  Sure I can dictate where I'm not going to go to work today, or take a shower, but I can't make myself grow any taller, I can't control any one else, I can't control the weather.  When I think about it, all I can really do is control what I'm doing at this very second.

God is in control.  As trite and cliché as that sounds and its.  It's a reality.  The problem is that it's not really a reality that we all can or want to accept.  I really want to accept that and I know that God is changing my heart to realize that.  I'm still too caught up in my past and my failures and hurts to see that He has my future.  I know He does, but I'm not living that out.  I'm still stressing about the same old things instead of crucifying them with Christ.  This post is truly to me as well as everyone else.  I am reminding myself that God has it all.  I don't have it.  I trust that He does.

is she not the cutest?

So back to my niece.  I love her to pieces.  She trusts me because I'm uncle Pat and when I'm around I play with her and make funny faces and show her love and protect her.  How much better is it when we feel the same about God?  We are loved, we are protected (not from perceived 'bad things' but from eternal separation), God does make funny faces at us, He does play with us.  I really LOVE Jesus and I'm so happy that He's chosen me for this battle.  I'm honored that He loves me and wants change me to be like Him.  I'm thankful.

we make crazy faces!

IDOL

I'm just sitting here at Zera's coffee shop, my new favorite place to go listening to some music.  Greg Jenkins sent me an email to show me this video of this band performing a song that reminded him of when we played together.  It's weird thinking about that time in my life.  That time in Ohio when I was so on fire for Jesus, didn't feel completely broken, and was worshipping God with my guitar.  I truly miss those times.  But Jesus in His perfect grace has placed me here, in Texas.  I love this place.  I love my church, The Village.  I just hate where I am.  God is trying to teach me a lesson I do not want to learn.  It's a lesson I've been avoiding for many years.

I can't even place what exactly the lesson, just that I know He's molding me in a real way.  A time of me feeling broken, stupid, cliche, and at times hopeless.  If I had to take a guess (which is a dangerous game to play) at what God's up to I'd say he's breaking my idolatry and my pride.  The idolatry of my heart.  Pushing me to my limits and beyond to get my attention that He's my only provision and the ONLY thing I can take pride in.  I can take pride in this God that loves me so much that He willingly chose to FEEL my existence, my pain, my fears, and even live those fears out through His death.  Because of His death I am alive.  Only because of Him choosing me am I spared the rod and given the feast.

He's slowly, tenderly breaking me.  It's hard.  It's not fun.  I want to be on the other side of it.  But He won't let me until it sinks in.  Until I fully seek Him with all my being, not taking pride in anything else.  Not going anywhere else for validation, for solace, for love, for companionship, for pleasure.  He wants Him to be all those things and more.  More.  MORE!  There is so much more out there.  More of Him, less of me.  This is my design.  My perfect design is to be as close to God as I can.  We all were designed for that purpose.  Imagine a time when you could walk through the garden and just hang out with God.  Naked.  Free.  Loved.

God knew what He was doing when He blew life into us.  We just wanted to be greater than Him.  We wanted more knowledge than Him.  We wanted to control ourselves more than Him.  We wanted to be Him to ourselves.

Sam Matteson has been mentoring me of sorts this semester.  He's a great guy.  He's a physics teacher at UNT, leader of my home group, and a bright person.   We meet once a week to talk.  To talk about anything.  Today was about sin, SciFi, the doppler effect, the human voice, and Lord of the Rings.  I love these conversations.  He was reflecting to me last week about a moment he had when he was at his newly purchased home in Colorado he anticipates growing old in after he retires (partially he's be here and there which is good for me!).  It overlooks some mountains (which in Colorado are real mountains) from his living room.  He said that his windows were dirty so he went out and started to clean the outside.  He had this moment with God about his science that can be related to any of our labors in life (mine being music).  He cleaned a little spot in the middle, so that most of the window is still dirty, but there is a spot of clarity which one can see through.  It was this spot that when looked through pointed to the mountain range.  You see that's what we do, either through science or the arts, we show a glimpse on how God does things.  How me made this existence.  He made the mountains, Sam didn't as well as I, He made them beautiful.  We just clean a little spot to see Him.  We don't clean all of it, just a spot at a time.  When I write a piece I clean a spot.  People can see a part of God that maybe they didn't see before.

When I think about stuff like that, I smile.  This is the good stuff in life.  The moments when God is there, when it makes sense, when it feels right.  I love those moments.  Unfortunately, this isn't real life.  We fail.  We hurt.  We're scared.  The truth that permeates all of this is that God is there.  He's there for all who call on His name.  Call on His name everyday.  He will never fail you.  He will never fail me.  I may fail me, other may fail me, but Jesus cannot fail.  It all works out to glorify Him.  I'm ready.  I'm ready to have God take me.  I'm praying for the hard road.  The hard road that too many Christians do not want to walk.  The one that says 'pick up your cross', this doesn't mean a burden we struggle with (like gambling, or lying) but a call to all to call the name Jesus to become a disciple.  To walk the long, hard road with a smile and trust that God has it.  He does.  Walk the hard road.

life is crazy

This semester is kind of kicking my A.  I'm taking four classes which is one more than I took last semester and these classes require much more time than the last ones.  Physical Modeling is a two parter: 1) learn interesting digital audio process through math and diagrams 2) Implement in C Sound (or MAX).  The MAX stuff I kind of get, but C Sound is brand new to me and it's ripping me a new one.

Then there's Analytical Techniques II which is a theory course from 1700-1900.  This is a pretty large time frame for only one semester.  We just took the midterm today and it was an analysis of Bach's Brandenburg Concerto No.1, III Allegro.  We got the piece on Tuesday and of course I wait until this morning at 6 am to start my analysis.  This was cutting it close as the test was at 1 and I had a recording gig at 11-1.  I woke up in a panic and started to get to work.  My brain was fried by the test and he packed a 1:30 hour test in an hour which meant I was writing as fast as I could the entire time (then with a few minutes left I had a pencil malfunction which almost made me run out of time).  Now I am a fast test taker.  I am usually one of the ones to finish first and I rarely change an answer after I answer it.  This test was four questions and I wrote as fast as I could and still was almost last in the class.  So that means my answers were too long or I'm a slow thinker, but that couldn't be it as I was literally writing the entire time with no real thinking.  I think I did well, at least the 'top' grade for this teacher, a B, so I think I'll get a B and be done with it.  But I'm pretty sure I nailed a few questions that the answer was kind of hidden.

My lessons this semester are also less than spectacular.  I am studying with the different guest composers and when I'm not with them I'm with Dr. May.  This has been very troublesome and I really haven't written anything yet.  I'm going to write a mass which is no small task and I'm just so busy that I'm not getting the time I want.

It's going to be a push to get to spring break.  Pauline Oliveros is going to be here and I'm performing in a few pieces of hers.  One is a part of NOVA, our new music ensemble (the fourth class I'm taking) and it's an improv with like 12 other people.  The other (and more scary) are a set of two pieces called "The Well and the Gentle" which I'm performing with the improv group I've been apart of this year (Sarah Summar, Scott Price, and Ben Johansen are all in it).  It's a little exposed with four people, two guitars, sax, violin.  We haven't performed either and we'll be premiering at this concert in front of a lot of people and Oliveros. I'm a bit nervous to say the least!  This is all coming up in the next few weeks.  Crazy time.

God let me make it to spring break.

Debates

This was an interesting debate series by ABC.  This debate was really funny in parts.  Man, people believe stupid things.  This Bishop needs to get off his 'I am damaged by fundamentalism' soapbox, and he has a very small God.  Deepak is an idiot.

Here's my favorite Deepak quote:

'There are forces of creativity and forces of entropy and there's tension between them.  IF you only had evolutionary forces the universe would rapidly burn itself up and disappear into the heat death of absolute zero. If there were only destructive forces the universe would rapidly collapse into a black hole, before you could say 'Jesus Christ'.'  (-5:17) from face-off 9.

-Could he have added any more abstract, BS, quasi-scientific terminology in there.  Why don't you just say 'The universe would implode into an atom moving twice the speed of light in orbit of a blah...blah...blah...'

I'm glad I don't put my faith in science as science only reveals what limited knowledge we know.  I'm not saying that science is bad, science gives us a peek into how God made things work.  But if you glorify the creation (and how it works) and not the Creator, you're focusing on the wrong thing.  The funny thing is, what has science afforded us?  Are we really better off with all our technology?  We still fight, we're not any more 'enlightened' than any other time and God knows we're the most advanced, and we still have many wars.  (I know many will say war is caused by religion and especially people 'in the name of Christ' but people who kill in the name of Christ have a small view of God)  God is good and he wants you to choose Him over this world and yourself.  This is not a lie, that's all he wants out of us.  He wants us to believe Him which really benefits us more than any other thing on this planet (or universe).


Driscoll stepped it up and was calm and sharp.  Nice.
http://abcnews.go.com/Nightline/FaceOff/

Where's Christ?

A generous segment of today's social and cultural preaching is increasingly Christless. Instead of Jesus, the message is either personal moral fortitude or collective political action. Because this sort of preaching appeals to the fears and emotions of evangelicals, it is commonplace. Thanks to people like James Dobson, Jesus has become the patron saint of any conservative's social and political agenda. While many of these crusaders are doubtless correct on the Biblical worldview, they are also usually too busy getting us to the polls to get us to Christ. 

The Bible is certainly not oblivious to moral issues. The prophetic voices in scripture testify to God's holy concern with how we treat one another, and how justice is exhibited in society. But the key to scripture is always Jesus, not moral or social reform. In some of his most shocking words, Jesus says that there is a comparison that can be made between religion that helps the poor and the Gospel that commands all men everywhere to repent and believe.

Evangelicals are emotionally--and politically--engaged with cultural battles like homosexual marriage and abortion. They have demonstrated substantial growth in their support of ministries of mercy. But some of this political and moral involvement has been at the cost of Christ-centered preaching. "The Crisis"--whatever it might be--is never the point of our discipleship. We are always followers of Jesus.

-Michael Spencer 'Internet Monk'

http://www.internetmonk.com/articles/N/nochrist.html

New Semester

Last week was the start of a new semester.  I'm glad to be in the new year with a new semester as the last one was good but kept rolling along.  The weather in Denton the last few weeks has been great, mostly sunny and in the 60's or higher.  This really makes me happy and I've been taking some walk which have been nice.

I'm starting a new piece and I'm still undecided on what to do.  I don't have a consistent teacher this semester as my lessons are going to be covered by the numerous guest composers we have this semester including Harvey Sollberger, Libby Larsen, Pauline Oliveros, Claude Baker, and more.  With the weeks of no guests I'll be with Dr. May.  So it will be pretty cool I think.

I am going to write a piece with many short movements instead of one long one.  I don't have many (really any) works that are multi-movement and I really want to work on that.  I want to write a chamber piece, <=7 players, and my initial instrumentation is flute, clarinet, alto sax, 2 trombones, piano, percussion.  But after talking to Dr. May I am not so sure as it may be cool, but not pragmatic.  The 'standard' mixed ensemble is called 'Pierro' after Schoenberg's 'Pierro Lunaire' which is flute, clarinet, violin, cello, piano.  This is pretty standard and if I did that with a percussionist that would be pretty standard.  I guess I could get a trombone involved which would make a 7 person ensemble.  Anyways, I'm still thinking.

I am going to quasi-model it off of Messiaen's 'Quartet for the end of time' which is for violin, clarinet, cello, and piano.  It has 8 movements which I think will serve as somewhat of a model for my piece.  At least it will give me a starting point.  I want it to have to do with the bible, but I don't know what aspect I want to bring out, which stories, which truths.  I've been spending a lot of time in Genesis and that would be obvious with creation and all, but I want something less obvious and trite, something more original, not that this will in any way add to the bible, it's just my take and expression of it.

What I like about being at Brandi's

So I'm in Valparaiso Indiana at my sister's for Christmas.  It's been a really good time except I'm getting used to the weather, it's so cold!  We're all having a good time.  Here are some pics of the kids and a few I took last night about things I like here.

  Jude, the original christmas ham!

Sibley and I do CRAZY EYES!

All kids asleep in the car

Zipperface!

So Brandi told me to bring a stocking, and I have the matching stocking but brought only my old one. Talk about the odd man out.

The christmas tree (in all it's splendor!)

A long exposure shot of the snow in the back yard last night.

More pictures to come at a later date!  Merry Christmas!

Pillars of Sun

Here's the link to listen to my string quartet.  Enjoy!  Click on WAV file for best quality.

http://mu2009-nt106567.music.unt.edu/Patrick_Peringer/

String Quartet Pictures

Here are a few pics of me with the quartet last night at our second recording session.  I'll be posting soon the edited version of the piece. (photos by Josh Harris)

Stressful weeks!

In my Contemporary Performace Practice seminar the only real grade is the final presentation and paper.  I've known about it all semester, I've had my topic loosely chosen since the beginning of October and of course three weeks ago I was sick on the day we signed up for the presentation and I got tomorrow, instead of after thanksgiving.  This is a blessing and a curse in that I only had a few weeks to get it all ready, but I would be done before thanksgiving and I could write the paper over the "break" (in quotes because UNT only give thurs and friday off). 

Of course the focus on my topic has shifted throughout my reseatch and I finally have a solid topic.  I am exploring the strictness of time in some proportionally notated works by Toru Takemitsu.  If you aren't a musician what that means is Takemitsu wrote a few pieces that don't have defined time-divisions (like a meter with tempo [remember from band a time signature 'four-four' and a tempo 'Quarter = 90 beats per minute]) but with gestures of notes with no clearly quantized (lined up) rhythms.  While this is really an oversimplification, it's the best I can do.  What typical performers see when they see proportional notation is freedom and expression.  They think they can hold notes longer because it may be a note that is to be held for 4 to 6 seconds, which gives them an option for how long they hold the note.

What I am proving through Bryce, Water-ways, and Rain Spell is that Takemitsu did not intend for the spatial notation to give hte performers licence to alter the time more than he has allowed.  There is very intricate timing-cues and event orderings that make the piece sound how it does.  If a careless ensemble were to perform these works they could really mess up the sound by being lazy.  Contant diligence is required by the performers to be listening and knowing the other parts to see how they incorporate into the fray. 

I am especially interested in this because my new string quartet has many minutes of spatial notation and I've been frustrated with my quartet for not knowing how to interpret it and I have to explain it and count it for them.  Spatial notation is nothing new, but apparently it's not dogma quite yet, and how to interpret it is even farther behind than even knowing what it is.  I am hoping to bridge some kind of gap for performers on what the composer's intent it and how to interact with the music.

At any rate, I've found this very interesting and useful to my research interests.  I also really love the music.  If you want to hear bits of Bryce  or Rain Spell go to this page and have a listen for a minute.  It's really beautiful, exotic stuff. 

my work setup

I got up early to work on my piece (because I decided to do a final copy on the computer) and had to make a run across town to get a numerical pad which expedites the copying process greatly in Sibelius.  I've been working and I thought that I love my setup, so I thought I'd share it with you alls.

This is an overall shot of my desk, which is actually Nick's dining room table that's in the living room.

We never use it so I thought I'd just camp out here to get my work done.  Two screens, one bible, one cup of coffee, and a lot of cool stuff (notice the stack of 'brainy' books).

A vertical shot of it.  I put in that light a few weeks ago because this side of the living room was really dark and I couldn't see anything, it really helps.  Also notice above the painting that my grandmother Dorothy Norton Peringer painted in '63.  I love it being above where I work.

Two displays!  Well, one extra really as one automatically comes with the macbook.

A hot cup of coffee with pumpkin spice creamer in it.  It's a seasonal favorite, so I need to use it while it lasts.

 A handy paper holder I got at U of I after seeing Bukvich have one (I actually have one of his around here somewhere).

A shot of the right side with my three hard drives (too many!) and my new numerical pad.

This is where I live and work.  I am really starting to like it, so much so that I might try to buy this table when my lease ends and Nick and I move apart.  I don't have class till 3 today, so I'll be working here all day, I love it!

Sunday mornings

I love my Sunday mornings.  They are the highlight of my week.  It's weird that I'm not at the age where instead of Friday or Saturday nights, I look forward to my Sunday mornings (Saturdays are usually similar).

I wake up, get a shower and get ready and get to Starbucks so I can compose and get a coffee (lately pumpkin spice latte's).  I don't get coffee from there during the week as it's too much money, so I save it for the weekends.  I get there, get my coffee and just compose.  It's my designated composition time.  I look at it like time with music and God, because I have church at 11, which is a great time because it's enough time in the morning to get a good session in.  I don't have to think about anything else, work, school work, money, or anything else.  I can just sit, drink my coffee, think about God, write music.  It's really the perfect time for me.  Today the sun was out, it was blue skies, and I worked on getting to the end of my final hand-draft.  I got there and came up with a great idea for the end which extended the ending by over 30 seconds which brings the total time for the piece to 13 minutes.  I still have 9 bars after the mid-point to work out, but I have a good idea of what to do and I'm going to take care of that after church.

I realized two things about who I am as a composer and how I look at my music:
1) I'm not experimental for experimental's sake.
    -Too many composers are trying to be experimental just to be experimental.  Their music usually lacks soul, emotion, and creativity.  It becomes a gimmick, and people usually forget about it except for maybe some gimmickey "experimental" aspect.  I want people to remember my music for what it makes them feel, not that I'm writing gushy-hyper-emotional-trash just to get people to weep.  There is a balance between the brain and the heart but they both should be fully engaged.
2) I'm not composing to impress anyone.
   -Too many composers write to impress other people, namely musicians and namely other composers.  My music is not impressive from a technical, or virtuosic standpoint.  I really don't care for it to.  Not that I write simplistic music, although I value simplicity and a clear sense of direction.  I don't care if anyone listens to my music and are impressed by it's exciting elements.  My music is not bombastic, or overly intense.  It has times where it can be a little 'notey', but overall I like space to be a factor in the structure.   My SQ has a lot of space in it, maybe too much in fact.  The first three and last four minutes are long phrases with just a few notes held throughout.  I like it and think it will be a meditative thing.

yet again....

I get these symptoms that doctors can't make any sense of.  It's always with my digestion tract.  This case knocked me out the last few days, which in the middle of the week seems to make the whole week void.  I went to the student health center and the doctor didn't know what it was.  She said it wasn't my appendix which is good.  I started to feel ill two days ago with an upset stomach and tired achy body.  Then last night I got a pain in my right side.  So I'm on the BRAT diet for today and maybe tomorrow.  I pray that I get better as this isn't getting worse or better.  I need to become functional again!  If I can get better tomorrow then I can work through the weekend and get back on track. 

String Quartet

I finished the first draft of my string quartet tonight.  It excites me because I haven't been in school for a while and I didn't know if I'd get back in the swing of composing under deadlines and time pressure.  I'm happy to say that this is almost the earliest time in a semester I've finished the first draft for a piece, so it looks like I'm on track.

Now about the piece.  I got this idea of expansion/contraction when I was binge and purging ideas at the beginning of my process.  I really like the idea of an idea growing and then collapsing.  So I drew a diamond (or a rhombus as my roommate said [I had forgotten what a rhombus was!]) and divided it up into vertical columns of 5x5 creating 25 smaller sections.  Each column of the diamond is separated out into larger sections by column.  So, 1 is the first section, 2 and 3 for the second sections, 4 5 6 for third, and so on.  This forms a macro form of 1 2 3 4 5 4 3 2 1, or an arch or palindrome  (see fig.1).  At first I didn't like the idea of an exact palindrome (that is write the first half and reverse the second note-for-note and rhythm-for-rhythm).

fig. 1

This form poses problems from a compositional standpoint.  The most apparent and difficult one for me was that the way we listen to music is relational.  We hear aural relationships over time, but throughout western culture we're used to certain events happening in certain orders.  We like for a piece to build to a climax and then come down (I like it too).  Things have to be paced though.  We usually like the climax to be at or near the end.  According to this form the climax would have to be in block-13, the direct middle because anything before or after is to be repeated even if it's an abstract repetition (at this point I didn't know if the second half would be a literal palindrome or just essence).  Either way, 13 is the middle and thus the only unique micro-block not to be repeated.

So my initial thought was to have the beginning (blocks 1-3) be quiet and only contain one or two notes.  A single note to start, fig.2, (D because it was the central note when when stacking the open strings of all the quartet, C G D A (vla, cel) and G D A E (vln) so C G D A E, with D in the middle) that will eventually glissando into two, D and E, fig.3.  Eventually C# above enters and we have a nice little three note chord that contains the intervals that I love, M2, M7.

fig.2

fig.3

This is all nice and well and ended up taking much more time than I thought, this is a good thing though.  It lets the beginning breathe and have space.  This is what it needed and it is what I gave it.  So after four phrases of slow building intensity we get to column 4 (blocks 7-10).  This is where I had no clue what to do.  This is an intermediate section before the big crazy column 5 but more active than the opening 4 phrases (first three minutes).  It needed to be active but not to intense.  I for some reason wanted a "doppler" type effect.  So I thought it might be time to have them align in a tempo (so far it's been free of that) and play with some dynamics.  In fig.4, the details of the transition are still to be worked out (going from ametrical to "metered" where is eighth note=120) but the dynamics shifting will shape the sound to be moving yet static. 

fig.4

The measure that says 1:40 above it is where I start a number process between all the players.  They are repeating a measure 4 times and then moving on, but each measure has a different amount of notes.  It is based on a number sequence permutated.  In the cello look at the numbers below the staff, 8 7 6 5, and in the violin I, 5 6 7 8.  The inner parts are scrambled (vln II 6 5 8 7 and vla 7 8 5 6).  The number sequence is then reversed back to the start, ex. vln I, 5 6 7 8 8 7 6 5.  I think this process worked out very nicely.

The next section is column 5 where there is the most action and intensity.  If you know anything about my compositional style, you'll know this is a perpetual problem with me.  I have a hard time composing "virtuostic" or bombastic sounds.  In this draft I kept everthing spatial and abolished bar lines.  I'll probably notate this section accurately and I think there will be a lot of specific rhytmic interplay between parts.  Fig.5 is the beginning of this section that I think can stay proportional, but the rhythms get increasingly more accurate later on.

fig.5

The main bulk of the fragments in this next section are built off this 8-note sequence (seen in vln I, D# D, A, G#, A#, C#, G, F) or the opening tri-chord (D, E, C#).  This section breaks up into smaller 2-3-4-5 note chunks of notes intermixed with plucks and strums of muted strings.  It should sound chunky and strident.  This intensity gives way though to block-13 which is the mid-point and the only non-repeated block.  I wanted the climax to be calm, understated, and a contrast the the material being worked out in sections 4 and 5.

fig.6

In fig. 7, notice that the fragments now will have holds of notes after them, to make a seam or constant notes or chords.  The notes sustained form C# D# G G#, which is the tetrachord that most of the pitch material is based on.

fig.7

It's getting late here, so I'll have to post the rest of the piece-in-progress tomorrow or at a later time.  I know this is a cliff-hanger for all of you!  I like doing this, it helps me to flesh out what I'm doing in words and it's a public forum so I can get some feedback maybe.

black coffee and cockroach!

This morning was a weird one.  First I'd like to say that I've finally given into drinking black coffee.  I suppose it's bound to happen to any coffee drinker.  I like it better (with a little sugar) than with all the creamers.  The exception is pumpkin spice, which is in season (does artificial flavoring really have a season?) right now so I shall partake in that.

This picture is tricky though because lurking behind that seemingly innocent coffee apparatus is (was) an infestation of cockroaches!  We had them pretty pretty bad (in larry david's voice) for a while until last week I bought COMBAT!® which baits them into taking some poison back to their lair and sharing it with their friends over a game of cards until they all die.  It's been much better since except this morning....

....when I came out of the shower to see this little monster!  Just sitting on a pair of pants in my room.  So naturally I took a pic to document it and then I got out a sandal and hit it and flushed it down to toilet!  Welcome to Texas.

how big god is

I was walking to church yesterday and lately it's been really rainy here in Texas.  This was something I was not expecting and to be honest wasn't too thrilled about.  But this last rain wasn't too bad as it came in really hard fits for less than half an hour, then complete sunniness.  That was on Friday, by Sunday it was just overcast with some misting. 

I was thinking about sin and how I've lately let it become more of a focus to me than God.  I think we all go through times like this.  It's exactly what the Evil One wants us to believe, that our sins are so bad that God won't forgive them. This is a boldface lie (to quote GOB)!  But still it doesn't seem to be true to our human sensibilities, we can't comprehend that kind of forgiveness.

Here's the picture I saw walking to church-

a single drop of water lazily falling into a small puddle the size of a square of sidewalk.  it was one of those spots in a sidewalk where the concrete has disappeared or somehow dig deeper into the earth.  it was overtaken by water in a small square maybe 2.5 x 2.5 feet.  this drop of water hit the surface and a 3d wave spread out beyond the center.  i think of this as a drop of sin in the entire sin of my life.  imagine how many drops of water are in that puddle.  a whole lifetime (at least 28 years) of sinning and i just added one more drop.  at first it ripples and disturbs the surface but after a few seconds it's all still again.  now imagine this, taking that water in the pond and dropping it in the middle of the pacific ocean.  would it even be traceable?  would it even disturb even one single small wave?  God is bigger than that ocean.  we can't even imagine how big it is.  God is big, my sin is small.  why do I let it get in the way of all that?

The Magician, and my diet stinks

So this week was the most stressful of this semester, which isn't saying much because in the grad scheme it really wasn't that big of a deal or test.  We had a concert Monday, (see previous post) which went well but was time consuming.  Then on Thursday I had a presentation on Serialism, with a parter, for 80 minutes.  I took the first 40 with cramming the history of the 2nd Viennese School through Boulez.  In 40 minutes I went about 30 years.  My partner Gabi (a flautist from Brazil) took Babbitt and played some excerpts from him and spoke more.  It went well I think.  It really wasn't that 'hard', but it was my first kind of test here and I didn't want to look bad or flunk it, so in that respect it was a big deal.  It was good.  I also met with a string quartet for them to read through what I have so far in my piece.  It went well but was some work to get it all ready for them.  I've since them re-notated what I've got which is about 2 minutes of music.  I'm meeting with them on Tuesday for another half hour which will be a really good time for me.  On top of all that I went to two improv session (wed. night with some other DMA composers, thurs. at the dance dept. at TWU [Texas Women's University]).  It was fun, then after I went to Scott's (a fellow DMA composer, who also went to BGSU a year ahead of me, so I know him) with Ben (another DMA composer) and had a beer with some really really cheap pizza.  I woke up friday literally thinking it was Saturday.

I'm reading this book "The Magicians" which my friend Megan sent me.  I'm through the first half and I really like most all of it, except some out of context language that I think is not becoming.  I am excited to dive into the second half  Megan has this idea that when she finished a book to send it to another person my mail.  I like this idea, like a book share program.  Rather than reading and putting on shelf till you move and decide to throw it out, give it some use to someone else.  This could be a good idea!

I think my poor diet is catching up with me.  My stomach is upset most all the time and I think my body is literally rejecting much of the food on a regular basis.  I need to eat better!  Someone help me!!!  I don't know how to cook or really take care of myself in the food realm.  Help me!!!!