seven swans

This post isn't about seven swans.  Although I've been listening to it for the last hour on repeat, actually not repeat I just re-click it when it's over (which is more work for me).  That being aside, tonight I feel deep, so I'm going to write it out like I always do.  It's interesting that this blog turns out to be many posts when I feel heavy, maybe one would get the sense that I'm kind of a sad person or whatnot, but I don't think that's the case, I just write things out when I feel this way.

First off, today was the last day of February, my least favorite month.  I don't think it is by choice, if you were to make a chart of my emotional state for the year, it just plummets in February.  I don't really know why but every year I pine for the first of March. That day is tomorrow.  Thank you Lord.  I've made it though this disaster of a month relatively okay.

Maybe tonight is remanence of that....

Tonight I spent some time willfully in the past. It's weird that I used to live so much more in the past than I do now, I still get the urge to live there but God has been faithful in keeping me present.  Tonight I wanted to go back, for many reasons.  One was because I had some business to take care of, the business of repentance.  That's where this little stroll began, thinking about a time that I sinned against someone and thinking and praying about how to ask for forgiveness.

Asking for forgiveness is harder than one would think.  Not so much in the obvious way, as my heart has changed and I want to repent and be reconciled.  It's more the logistics of writing a statement that says what I need to say.  It's sometimes just plain hard to find the right words.  I really do love to apologize to others for my blemishes, it shows God's grace, mercy, forgiveness, and glory.  No matter the reaction of the other person, God has moved my heart to want to repent, that is an act of grace.  It shows he's working in my heart to want to humble myself, claim my garbage, and to ask to reconcile.  It's beautiful.

So, on a different note, I've been (for the first time really) trying to memorize scripture.  I'm going for Romans 8, a verse a day.  It's going well, I'm not much of a good memorizer, but God had been merciful to me and the time spent is worth it.  So here's a bit now.

There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.
For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death.
For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do, by sending how own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin, he condemned sin in the flesh,
in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit.
For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh,
but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit.
For to set the mind on the things of the flesh is death,
but to set the mind on the things of the Spirit is life and peace.
For the mind that is set on the flesh is hostile to God,
for it does not submit to God's law; indeed, it cannot.
Those who are in the flesh cannot please God.


There it is, that's where I'm at.

I'm thankful for the faithfulness of God.  That he died for me not when I was perfect (that hasn't happened) but he died while I was willfully rebelling against him.  He saved me from myself, my evil heart, and from eternal separation from Him.

So this post was kind of a throw away, but I'm going to post it anyways, maybe no one will read it....