Ephesians 4

This was today's homework for the step studies.  I am a co-leader of a group under Peter Cuomo and it's been a great experience.  Our group is standing strong at around 14 guys and usually by now groups have thinned out and we're truckin' strong.  So I'm doing daily homework that dives into the word and asks questions about it.  Today's reading was from Ephesians and is a good expression is what I've been thinking lately about honesty with our lives.

²⁵Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another. ²⁶Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, ²⁷and give no opportunity to the devil. ²⁸Let the thief no longer steal, but rather let him labor, doing honest work with his own hands, so that he may have something to share with anyone in need. ²⁹Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. ³⁰And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. ³¹Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. ³²Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

It's an interesting passage that is a warning against harboring sin and anger in our hearts.  I can testify to this as I've had periods of intense hiding, lying, and anger.  If I let the sun go down on my anger, it only is worse in the morning.  I'm not saying any of this as a person who is perfect at this or is a living testament, I've lived on both sides of the coin so to speak and living on the right side, God's side, is so much better and fulfilling.  It is also a lot less guilty living a transparent life.  The evil one has less to work with when I'm not living in secret sin.  

I always get caught by the last line, 'forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.'  What powerful stuff.  It's not an option.  Did Christ optionally forgive us?  Did he forgive is us of some things?  No.  He forgave it all, all the time.  I hear in recovery all the time (especially last night) about God opening the hearts of men to forgive in outstanding situations.  Not only to forgive to to actually approach the person who's wronged them and to ask forgiveness for harboring a grudge for in some cases decades.  That kind of healing and forgiveness is only possible through the Holy Spirit.  Not because we want to be self-helped (as countless books tell us), but to serve God and that is what he commands.  It just so happens that what God commands of us, no matter how difficult, is the best for us.  He does it because he loves us.  

I'm still dealing with some bitterness and anger.  It's hard.  It's internal.  It's in my soul.  I've been harboring it for so long that it feels as part of me now.  Like it's just a part of my nature now.  I really hate this and am actively praying for healing.  It's a process.  He's healed me of so much, but knowing how He works with specifically me, it will be a long slow process of reconciliation like everything has been with Jesus and I.  Every time he wants to teach me something, or when he brought me to him, it was slow and grueling, but worth it.  So I'm in.  I'm here to walk the walk.  I look forward to the day when the walk is over and I can just be, but that won't be today or a long time (hopefully).