Spirit > pathetic-ness

It's weird how pathetic I am.  I should give the caveat that we are all pathetic, and because of my selfishness, I'd like to think that my pathetic-ness beats yours.  But I know this isn't true, that we are all flawed and saved only through grace.  My whole body permeates with sin.  Every cell of my being is immersed in it.  Even down to the core of my being, my heart–full to brim with wickedness.  I've been dwelling lately on how painful the effects of sin are, how deep this goes, how much pain we can inflict and take.  Dwelling here is sobering.

I think there's a problem with not knowing about sin, and about how seriously the Bible takes it.  Most of the book has to do with it, how disgusting, perverse, and wicked it is.  Yet, most Christians don't ever really dwell there, they just know it's something that God has saved them from.  They see it mostly as an external thing.  Jesus would contradict this many times, foregoing the outward affect and going straight for the heart.  When I have a bad moment, lose my cool, or do wicked things, it didn't happen because of an external circumstance, it only shows a reflection of something already wrong in my heart.  The problem was already there inside of me the whole time.

It may sound harsh to say that every cell of my body is imbued with sin, and I think the old humanist side of me would debate it, but the Bible says otherwise and deep down I just plain know I'm rotten.  That time and means reveals my true wickedness (most outward sin occurs when I'm bored or when I have money).  This is the cause of this blog post tonight, that I'm just sitting around letting my mind wander, trying to capture thoughts but being unsuccessful.  I'm not really tired, I'm not really entertained, I'm not really wanting to read my bible (I did some tonight and had some good prayer time), but after all that's done I have time to sit and meddle.  To stew in my own mind and thus go places I should not be going.  It's pathetic.

I'm not going to say that "it's all okay", or that I'm being too hard on myself, or blow it off, this is the type of thinking that leads to cheap grace and shallow faith.  It's the kind of faith that blows off these heavy moments as a passing momentary weakness instead seeing it as a little peek into my thought-life.  I'm not shying away from it (that's why I'm writing) but I'm also not letting the evil one get a foothold with it either.

Because I know the truth.  That even though every bit of my being is broken, fractured, and selfish, that the good part of me isn't of me at all, it's a gift from God, his own Spirit.  It's that God actually puts the only good thing we have in us.  He literally injects us with his goodness.  I have that in me.  He is in me. My flesh is weak but his Spirit is strong.  I don't need to have faith in myself, to make the 'right' decisions, to not be pathetic, to earn my salvation, but instead understand that he already did everything for me, that he chose to love me, and that he lives inside me–I am his temple.

So while I am pathetic and nights like tonight reflect my flesh to me, I know that this is just a reflection of a part of me that will die.  That I can lay my head on the pillow knowing he is here, never forsaking me, always teaching me, and forever loving me.



At the start
he was there, he was there
In the end,
he’ll be there, he’ll be there

And After all our hands have wrought
He forgives

All is lost
find him there, find him there
After night
Dawn is there, Dawn is there

After all falls apart
he repairs he repairs 


Oh the Glory of it all is:
he came here
For the rescue of us all
that we may live
for the glory of it all
for the glory of it all
                -david crowder