so many things

There are so many things in my life that are happening right now. It's crazy. Because of the public nature of this blog I won't share most of it. I am still exhausted from last weekend and I am still recovering from the lack of sleep, or maybe it's that I haven't had a good nights sleep as of yet. This morning should have been good but my roommate has an alarm problem which is really funny yet at the same time can drive me crazy.

I have had this reoccurring tooth ache for the last five years that no one can figure out. It came back yet again last month on a small scale and then decided to leave. It came back this week and last night woke me up at 2:20. So I am a little groggy this morning. I really don't know what I have these weird physical problems, like my stomach, tooth, etc. but I guess Paul had a thorn in his side which could be physical or mental and maybe this is my thorn, or should I say thorns.

I went to my first counseling session with this great christian counselor yesterday. I learned a great deal about myself in just one time so I am going to go back every two weeks to see where this goes. I really think that all people should go to a counselor, at least a counselor like this guy. He just listens and says back what you've been saying with little assessment. It's really great.

One of the metaphors I told him about how I was raised was my view of relationships. Many of my ideals were shaped by the media and culture when I was in high school. I watched a lot of TV and movies and listened to a lot of music. These things shape who you are whether you like them or not. Here's what culture taught me about relationships, they are like pants. You go and try some on and see what you like about them. You look at them in a 360 degree mirror and see how they fit, what you like about how they fit, how they look on you. So you try and try and try pants on all the time because of course none of them are really supposed to fit, you're just seeing how they fit. So after trying on many pairs of pants and sometimes you try on a pair for a long time and get second opinions and you really don't want to take them off, you still do because that's the way it works, you take them off at the end. Well, eventually you would like to actually like to take a pair home but you find that you can't because you've been trying for so long you actually don't know what defines the different pants. They all become the same thing, one pair of pants that really do not look good on you at all. So it becomes impossible to take a pair home because they are all the same and this whole time you've been waiting for "the" pair that won't ever come. So you don't. You just keep trying them on forever. Or you buy a pair and at some point you take them back and pay way more for them when you take them back. Then you may buy a few more pairs in your life.

I've found this is crazy! At least in my life. It has not worked for me. It's a lie, a great lie that we've created.

The truth is, I would have loved to have done it the christian way. Don't even get involved in trying on pants. Learn about pants. See them, but don't try them on until you're ready to buy them. Then when you are there you have a much better idea of the pants you want and you don't waste a lot of time with other pairs. Then when you find a pair you like, you buy them. You like them. You don't have to take them back. They are good pants.